Karen Dubi - life coaching in Long Island NY - Neediness contaminates relationships & pushes people away.

Neediness comes in many forms – needing to be liked, to be right, needing approval, validation, a date, a job, a client, a sale, etc.… We try hard to impress when we are needy, and it often masks the fear of rejection.

Why do people feel ‘needy’?

To put it bluntly, it is because their brain does not believe them. The brain sees what it wants, AND it also sees what it doesn’t want.

If your brain believes that your efforts to get what you want are inadequate, then it believes you are going to fail. When this happens, you feel needy.

It is actually a good signal, but only if you act on it correctly. Your brain is just being honest with you.

If you feel needy, accept that your brain is telling you that your current plans/behaviors/actions aren’t working. Don’t take it personally. Instead, consider it to be your very own “Change-O-Meter” signaling you to change your course of action.

You can’t fool your own brain; it sees right through you.

If you feel needy, that is your brain sending you a message LOUD & CLEAR that it doesn’t believe you. It’s making all sorts of predictions because it’s not seeing proof of any commitment.

That is a call to make a change – to immediately and powerfully shift gears.

Let me give you a current example:

Do you recall just a few months ago during the Coronavirus shut-down, there was a huge demand for toilet paper? Shelves were completely bare, stores selling out as fast as deliveries arrived. Generally speaking, people were feeling pretty darn needy at the time.

If you were able to get a supply, you felt pretty secure about having enough for a while and then you could focus on and prioritize other things. However, if you couldn’t “spare a square”, you felt clingy and kind of creepy. Let’s just say it did not bring out the best in human behavior.

How to stop the madness of neediness:

First, show your brain a true solution, and then it will stop generating feelings of neediness.

Provide evidence that you’re committed to solving the neediness problem & convince your brain that you’re going for the gold and won’t give up.

Consider this: The reason you feel needy is that you are not committed to doing WHATEVER IT TAKES to create abundance in that particular area. Don’t confuse “whatever it takes” with “whatever feels comfortable.”

Be willing to do what feels awkward, uncomfortable, and scary. That’s all part of doing whatever it takes.

It is YOUR time to be extraordinary.


To successfully attain a goal you desire, set up a review every 30 days. Reflect, assess & then pivot.

life coach Long Island - Neediness is unattractive